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Funny Homework Excuses Poem

“My doggy ate my homework.

He chewed it up,” I said.

But when I offered my excuse

My teacher shook her head.

I saw this wasn’t going well.

I didn’t want to fail.

Before she had a chance to talk,

I added to the tale:

“Before he ate, he took my work

And tossed it in a pot.

He simmered it with succotash

Till it was piping hot.

“He scrambled up my science notes

With eggs and bacon strips,

Along with sautéed spelling words

And baked potato chips.

“He then took my arithmetic   

And had it gently fried.

He broiled both my book reports   

With pickles on the side.

“He wore a doggy apron

As he cooked a notebook stew.

He barked when I objected.

There was nothing I could do.”

“Did he wear a doggy chef hat?”

She asked me with a scowl.

“He did,” I said. “And taking it

Would only make him growl.”

My teacher frowned, but then I said   

As quickly as I could,

“He covered it with ketchup,   

And he said it tasted good.”

“A talking dog who likes to cook?”   

My teacher had a fit.

She sent me to the office,   

And that is where I sit.

I guess I made a big mistake   

In telling her all that.

’Cause I don’t have a doggy.   

It was eaten by my cat.

Late again Blenkinsop?
What's the excuse this time?
Not my fault sir.
Whose fault is it then?
Grandma's sir.
Grandma's. What did she do?
She died sir.
Died?
She's seriously dead all right sir.
That makes four grandmothers this term
And all on PE days Blenkinsop.
I know. It's very upsetting sir.
How many grandmothers have you got Blenkinsop?
Grandmothers sir? None sir.
None?
All dead sir.
And what about yesterday Blenkinsop?
What about yesterday sir?
You missed maths.
That was the dentist sir.
The dentist died?
No sir. My teeth sir
You missed the test Blenkinsop.
I'd been looking forward to it too sir.
Right, line up for PE.
Can't sir.
No such word as can't. Why can't you?
No kit sir.
Where is it?
Home sir.
What's it doing at home?
Not ironed sir.
Couldn't you iron it?
Can't do it sir.
Why not?
My hand sir.
Who usually does it?
Grandma sir.
Why couldn't she do it?
Dead sir.

From Poems to Perform, by Gareth Owen. 

Why not try...

  • thinking about an interesting or funny conversation you have had, or overheard, and turn it into a poem.

  • performing your poem!